You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
