dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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