Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
soo... how was my night?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
