I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
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