He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
