Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
