i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Your cock deserves a montage
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
