so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
