I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
