Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
i dont even know how to be here
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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