You can't motorboat a personality
home. puking in laundry basket.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
