I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
the condom got lost in my hair
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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