2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
