it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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