she looked like the bat from fern gully.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
