oh god the rape fog is back!
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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