How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
