I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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