so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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