My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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