Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
