we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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