She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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