I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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