dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
