Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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