don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
