We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
