He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
My dick has a subreddit
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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