WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
how drunk are you?
Several
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
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