I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
