I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
