I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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