Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
