did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
