and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
