i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
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