I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
My ass is underappreciated
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Randomize
