then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
