just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
