i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
