im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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