Umm I'm too high to move.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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