After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
