I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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