I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
