I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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