Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
