How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
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