I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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