You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
