if only i could text you this smell
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
