do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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