you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Randomize
