another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
