apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
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