i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
