What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
