you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
