I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
