So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
