this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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