She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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