Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
