Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
