Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
