I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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