I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
