I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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