When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
