If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Randomize
