HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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