dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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