New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
The beer is more important than you right now.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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