So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
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