I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
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