I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
