my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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