I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
