I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
