He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
