WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
